My OCD never really made sense to me. A therapist I visited in my teens diagnosed me with it. At that point, it was something I didn't even really think to be accurate. Nine years have passed. And clearly I display traits that could be classified as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. My home has to be tidy and organized for me to be able to relax. So much so that I become stressed and irritated if it's not kept the way I think it should be. Everything has a place. There is a reason for this, in my mind at least. It keeps things out of my son's reach. So that he is safe. And so that he can not pull everything out and scatter it about the house. Which would make more work for me later when it comes time to clean again. It makes my life easier also because it allows me to know where things are. So that I don't have to search for them. It keeps things from getting ruined. Either from my kid ripping up papers, my cat thinking he needs to piss on it, the dog chewing it up, the roommates walking on it, ect. It also keeps germs afar if things are put away and everything is kept clean and wiped down. To me...these things are important. After living with several others, I realize that everyone is different. I'll lose sleep to stay up when everyone is asleep, so that I can clean. And then enjoy my alone time in a clean house. It's crucial for my sanity. Even though lack of sleep makes me feel literally ill. It's a price I'm willing to pay.
Some more bizarre OCD traits that I possess are smelling a glass before I use it. Washing my hands so much that they are raw. Cleaning so much with chemicals also does this. And it doesn't help that I have eczema. So my skin is really sensitive to soap and fragrance anyways. Locking doors. And double checking locks. Well...more then checking twice. As well as checking to make sure the coffee pot and stove are off. These things are all safety measures. But apparently it's not normal. Because everyone else I know isn't that worried about these things. Everyone that is except for my mother.
As much as I hate to admit it...her and I think very similar. We are very similar. So much so, that I can tell her why she's doing something before she even realizes that she did it or why. She wasn't in my life every day as a child. And isn't in my life anymore by choice. Apparently it was enough for these thoughts and actions to rub off. It's not hard to believe when I observe my son. He's only 18 months old. He'll see me, or his father, do something only once. And he'll repeat it with ease. My dad thinks I'm being rude when I say that my son 'mimics' me. It's learning he says. Sure, it is. But he is learning by example. He is copying what he sees. (Remember...the 90 some %?)
I believe I read before that people who are OCD, have higher IQs. This isn't me gloating here. Smart isn't a word that I would use to describe myself, by far. But this idea does make sense to me. Because it really seems like common sense to me. My actions have reason. As I explained already. Children can't claim common sense...can they? Not immediately. They have to learn through proper parenting. How can they know what's right before they even know what's what. My son is just now becoming familiar with objects and concepts. Toilet paper goes in the toilet, he learned a couple months ago. He doesn't realize that toilet paper, after being used for it's purpose, goes in the toilet bowl. He just knows it goes in there. And he constantly wants to put toilet paper where he's seen it being put. So I have to teach him. Dirty t.p. goes in the toilet. How do you teach that. The lesson he practically taught himself was simple. He saw it. He learned it. I can tell him what dirty means. I can attempt to show him. But, it's a bit more challenging to teach and grasp. He knows that laundry goes in the hamper. But he doesn't know the difference between dirty and clean laundry. These things can be stressful. For anybody. Not just me. Because, as it is, I allot 6 dollars a month for toilet paper. That 6 bucks is enough to get 12 rolls which lasts all month. If he's throwing unused toilet paper down the drain...it puts a kink in the finances. As well as the laundry issue. I'm spending more to rewash clean clothes if I don't catch him throwing them in there.
Those small amounts of difference in money spent on necessities may not seem lethal. But for a low income family, it is a huge deal. Especially to a family with no family and friends to rely on for help the majority of the time. (No offense to those that do/have helped us. Because God knows there's been many who have.) To a family with no vehicle. No washer and dryer. It complicates life. Is that to say that my son complicates life. No way. That is however stating that parenting is complicating. It's tricky. So what do I do. I keep the bathroom door closed. Do anyways because I know that he could be playing in the toilet (which is nasty) and fall in head first and drown, God forbid. And I put his clean clothes up high enough that he can't get to them. Yet. Any parent knows you have to stay one step ahead of a growing kid. As soon as I move everything, he's grown tall enough to reach it again. And I start over. I improvise.
Improvising and change aren't things that come easy to a Taurus. Let alone someone who is OCD. Then again, life isn't easy. What would the purpose of life be without a constant challenge. There are no lessons learned in an easy journey. Wandering off the paths to make new trails is the fun part! And it's a bonus if your trails leave hope for others who are lost.
On the thought of teaching and helping others, my son has picked up some of the obsessive compulsive things I do already. He'll wash his binky (a.k.a. nuk for those that recognize it as such) in the tub water while it's running. I was doing it every night during his bath. He'll stack things in a line like I do. Cleanliness and organization skills? Part of me really worries about him acting this way. Because OCD can be dangerous and emotional for many. But I prefer to remain positive about it. There's an educated name for everything. There's a diagnosis for such silly things!!
If you're stressed and effected emotionally by a hard time of your life, it's titled Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I didn't need a shrink to tell me this. Every NORMAL individual has to deal with emotions. So because someone experienced a difficult time in their life (usually at someone else's hands), they are diagnosed with this..Disorder. Disorder is defined as such: (Noun) A state of confusion. (Verb) Disrupt the systematic functioning or neat arrangement of. (Synonyms) Confusion-mess-disturbance-disarray-muddle (v) disarrange-disturb-derange-mess-confuse. How does the the word define the situation. It seems pretty derogatory to me. Maybe it's the light I'm looking at it in. But it doesn't really seem helpful to me, that these words are used to define a person's emotions and way of thinking. Everyone has emotions. Tell me that you wouldn't be effected following an abusive childhood or an abusive relationship. But that's really just one example.
You know that a person with kinky fetishes, used to be determined as possessing a mental disorder! The American Psychiatric Association actually still describes in the diagnostic criteria, that a condition characterized by abnormal sexual desires, typically involving extreme or dangerous activities is called paraphilia. Keep in mind that kinky means an unusual sexual pleasure. How can something be unusual. It may be unusual to you. But it's pretty common to the person that claims it. It seems pretty clear that there are ideas that have somehow been determined to be 'right'. And for anyone that doesn't fit that 'norm', ridicule will find you. I've read that 5-25% of the population participates in bdsm. That's up to a quarter of the population! Not to mention...who's to say there aren't more in secret that are afraid of being persecuted. A quarter of the population! That's not a small number. Yet, still the underdog apparently.
It's detrimental to a person to judge them for being unique...and equally for them being normal! I am convinced that 99% of the populations problems are due to this very thing!!! Why don't people encourage one another. If there's a need to understand something, then truly try to grasp it. I don't think that many care to understand it all.
I'm aware that this post has jumped all over the place. However, it all relates to one thing. Difference, I suppose, if I had to sum it all up. And a battle of wills. Because for some god forsaken reason, everyone seems to think their way, is the only way. We should all embrace individuality.
'As soon as individuals begin to clump, and plot, they change. And the larger the group, the more toxic. The more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. And when you suspend your individuality, you also give up a lot of your humanity. You would do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own.'-George Carlin
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